Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
