I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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