so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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