get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
