When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
