I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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