dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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