Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
