his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
