The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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