it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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