I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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