so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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