i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
