Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
