Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
