dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
