Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
