So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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