I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
