and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
