ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
