Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
