Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
