We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
