I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
