the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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