i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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