that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
