You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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