Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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