And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
