I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
