He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
