How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
