I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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