my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
