My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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