Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
