dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
