textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
