Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
