our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
