those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
