CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
