I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
