I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
