What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
