i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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