One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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