ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
